August 3rd, 2007 - the day EVERYTHING changed.
I can't do this anymore. I can't keep putting up a front. I can't pretend to be happy around you when I'm not. I can't look at you the same way anymore. I can't be the person you WANT me to be, I just can't. You either accept me for who I am, or walk out now. Because let me tell you, if we can't see eye to eye now, you will always look down at me with embarassment. Like I'm such a bad person because of the way I am. You look at me like I'm a pointless piece of shit in your life. Like I'm NOTHING.
If I've learned anything these past 6 years, it's that you will NEVER change. Not for me, not for your other son I'm FORCED to call my brother, not even for YOURSELF. You know I used to look up to you. But now? I look at you and just laugh at how PATHETIC you are. I mean look at you, you're almost 40 and you act as if you're 21. NEWSFLASH! Your party days are over. So you should quit acting like a teenager and START parenting.
You hate the fact that I'm gay. Well guess what? Nothing's going to change that. And if you love me, you will accept me just as I am. Ever since I came out to you, you gave up all hope in me. Your reaction wasn't totally uncalled for. I know how heartless you are. Why should you change that for me? Because I'm your son? PLEASE. Knowing you, you'd probably disown me if I weren't turning 18 soon. I'm at a point in my life where I want nothing to do with you. I don't even want you at my graduation. You know, the one event that you claim I will never make it to. I used to push myself harder in school to prove to you that I can make it. But with hearing you tell me repeatedly that I won't make it, I finally decided that I don't want you there when I do make it. The only thing I ever wanted from you was to be proud of me. By the end of it all, whether you're proud of me or not, it won't matter. Because by then, my love for you will eventually fade and I will grow to hate you.
Don't blame me for my so called mistakes. You made me the person I am today. You are the exact kind of person that I hate. I don't associate with people like you, so why should I accept you as my mother? You don't even deserve that title. I don't care if people think I'm a bad person for writing this. Because if they knew the things you say to me, the way you treat me, the harsh words that no mother should be even saying to their child, then they wouldn't judge me based on what I'm saying.
I know for a fact you're never going to read this. But a part of me wishes you do. Because even after you hear what I have to say, you're only going to use it against me and look at me as if I'm the pathetic one who has no life. I know one thing for sure, I AM NEVER GOING TO BE LIKE YOU.
I can't do this anymore. I can't keep putting up a front. I can't pretend to be happy around you when I'm not. I can't look at you the same way anymore. I can't be the person you WANT me to be, I just can't. You either accept me for who I am, or walk out now. Because let me tell you, if we can't see eye to eye now, you will always look down at me with embarassment. Like I'm such a bad person because of the way I am. You look at me like I'm a pointless piece of shit in your life. Like I'm NOTHING.
If I've learned anything these past 6 years, it's that you will NEVER change. Not for me, not for your other son I'm FORCED to call my brother, not even for YOURSELF. You know I used to look up to you. But now? I look at you and just laugh at how PATHETIC you are. I mean look at you, you're almost 40 and you act as if you're 21. NEWSFLASH! Your party days are over. So you should quit acting like a teenager and START parenting.
You hate the fact that I'm gay. Well guess what? Nothing's going to change that. And if you love me, you will accept me just as I am. Ever since I came out to you, you gave up all hope in me. Your reaction wasn't totally uncalled for. I know how heartless you are. Why should you change that for me? Because I'm your son? PLEASE. Knowing you, you'd probably disown me if I weren't turning 18 soon. I'm at a point in my life where I want nothing to do with you. I don't even want you at my graduation. You know, the one event that you claim I will never make it to. I used to push myself harder in school to prove to you that I can make it. But with hearing you tell me repeatedly that I won't make it, I finally decided that I don't want you there when I do make it. The only thing I ever wanted from you was to be proud of me. By the end of it all, whether you're proud of me or not, it won't matter. Because by then, my love for you will eventually fade and I will grow to hate you.
Don't blame me for my so called mistakes. You made me the person I am today. You are the exact kind of person that I hate. I don't associate with people like you, so why should I accept you as my mother? You don't even deserve that title. I don't care if people think I'm a bad person for writing this. Because if they knew the things you say to me, the way you treat me, the harsh words that no mother should be even saying to their child, then they wouldn't judge me based on what I'm saying.
I know for a fact you're never going to read this. But a part of me wishes you do. Because even after you hear what I have to say, you're only going to use it against me and look at me as if I'm the pathetic one who has no life. I know one thing for sure, I AM NEVER GOING TO BE LIKE YOU.
1 comment:
girl, me and you are eye to eye when it comes to shit like this. word for word, I can relate, minus the whole being gay thing. but she loves you, someday you'll know.
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